A great rest and a great day it will be tomorrow.

Slept for 8hours yesterday, but despite so, i am still feeling tired. This is like a never ending phrase i would use. Am glad that my clique were back to normal and had hell lot of fun. WENT TO TOILET AND FILM MATIN SHITTING! LMAO! is really damn funny, of course we deleted the video. Damn got molested and touch by the sapao today and bloody kenelm touch my precious part. LMAO. But of course we did gang up on everyone and all of us got a piece of each other. Lol sound so wrong. HAHA 

I really find that my life with my clique is certainly full of fun and laughter, may it be that there are quarrels or so, everyone are still friends and we would still be there for one another.

Going to get some sleep soon before going to gym tomorrow morning at 9am and school at 12pm. will be a long day though cause bob wanna go tchoukball so i accompany him lor.

Well well, life is just full of surprises. At one time, you are sad and then again you are happy. It is just filled with lots of emotions. I am sure that one day i would truly find the source of my happiness and then again i would be back to my old self who love life.

Time to sleep.

P.s — No matter how hurt i am, i am still happy, for the love you once gave me.

It just can’t stop haunting me.

Is really damn devastating to know that 6months had passed and you ain’t moving on, yet. 6months is one hell of a long journey. Recently had a chat with yvonne, she was like saying, in life, you would actually need someone to be there for you and all and not be alone and face things. Well, i guess she is right. I just have this mix feeling. Is like, i can’t accept the fact that is really over, it just sticks in my head that she is just gone for awhile and she will be coming back soon. But then again, is definitely not going to happen. I seriously feel like blogging about lots of stuffs that makes me feel unhappy but then again. Is better to stay positive, think less, and move on with life. Afterall exams are coming. So yeah. Just feel kinda sad right now.

P.s — I believe that if someone breaks your heart inside, you are ruined.

Everyone would have this day.

Just woke up from sleep not long ago, slept at 5am last night, was on the phone though. Feeling damn moodless right now for no reason. Guess everyone would have this particular day whereby they would feel bored, moodless, and just do not feel right and just want to do something to please themself.

Well, definitely i had great fun prawning with joseph vemon and zombie last night. Joseph was on form luh, previously he like merely catch any prawn, then last night he caught damn lot. HAHA a very funny thing happened last night, while we were living the place, we saw a live prawn on the floor, then joseph was like kicking it and playing with it. Damn cruel, but then i took the prawn and threw it at joseph. Of course joseph was wanting some sweet revenge so he took the prawn and kept walking with it till we got to the entrance. But then all of a sudden he took the prawn and then kick it -.- and it landed on the road. HAHA but no idea why vemon zombie and i were laughing at him though. Is like his actions are damn funny. He still went to the road and adjust the prawn to allow the car to roll over it. -.- damn cek ark. Confirm got karma next time he can’t prawn any more prawn man seriously. But i have no idea why all of us were laughing. -.- End up, we got prawn pancake. HAHAHAHA.

Actually wanted to go and dye my hair but then again, i think i would stick with black hair. (: going out to west coast plaza later on to buy some groceries and buy food for pei pei (my dog). Guess she is dying of hunger man if i dont get her some food soon. lmao.

well like i say, everyone would have this day whereby they will feel down or different. Guess am sleeping after i watch chelsea vs arsenal. (: and what should i do before that? hmmm i have no idea too but then i would definitely make myself feel better. (:

P.s — Everyone would definitely want someone to be there for them, talk to them and being able to rely on them, and definitely this is not call being despo.

Life back to normal.

Just had a great rest from 6pm-2am. HAHAHA, am damn tired seriously.
anyway, either i am going back to sleep or study for my ipc retest. ):

Keep having the feeling that my life is making a great change. Afterall, it should had taken this change long ago. (: Sooner or later i will be back to the old me who does not emo! HAHAHA.

Yes i will not think too much afterall i have other things to worry of.

1 more weeks to last week of school. 2 more weeks till study break. 3 more weeks till exam. 4 more weeks till the OIP trip and i am so not ready for any of it.

Is strange though, it seem as though this year’s event does not seem to be as anticipated as those in the past. Cny is coming but then the feeling of it is not here. Haha no idea why though but who cares when all you have to do is take ang bao!? HAHA.

time to switch off my com though, if not i would be sticking to it and there goes my sleep.

P.s — I love my life as how it is right now compared to how it once were.

The end.

After so long, it finally spells the end of everything.

In the end, i failed to rekindle any hopes of being friends. It really sucks to really lose someone you treasure more than you treasure yourself. But then again, if he/she is someone you treasure so much to the extend that you treasure him/her more than yourself and yet he/she does not even treasure you, what’s the point?

I can only say that, yea i got to give up. for the benefits of the both of us, i got to move on. non of us will be happy if i continue to be selfish and just being single minded. Is true what my friend told me, cant blog what he told me though. anyway, there is no hatred between us, instead, we will need some time or maybe i am the one who need time for the feelings to subside and then only i will be the ryan liew who does not emo and is cheerful and jovial.

It is definitely going to be a hard lesson for me to learn, i can see tears coming in times to come and yes, i do need my friends around me to help me along. I will be looking forward to the day we will become friends again but in the mean time, i guess i got to let go and yes, the best is not to think about it.

I was watching this anime and it was talking about how someone lost their memory, and i was thinking, how great it would be if we are to suffer from amnesia and allow our pain to be removed. but then again, we will not be able to learn a thing if we were to run away from it,

Sometimes, is just about dream over reality or reality over dream. One has to be truthful to thyself inorder to know what to do and be able to move on instead of decieving themself in false hopes or miracles to happen. Right now, i only can say that i have less then 3 weeks to study my stuffs and i got to pass as many modules as possible. After exam, it will be 42 days at china and i really hope that this 42 days would allow me to let go of the pain inside me cause i would be spending them with my bunch of excellent clique of friends. And after that, i would definitely want to go back for my saxophone lesson afterall is my ambition for my future. 

Guess is time for me to go to sleep. Will try my best not to think too much though.

P.s — 6months of misery had pass, life got to make a change and the change got to start with me.

01/02/2010.

Firstly, i got to say that many thanks to all the people that give me their wishing. Appreciated every single one of it.

But then again, i got to say this, honestly, this birthday is the one that sucks the most and the one that i myself really do not wish to celebrate. Cause basically, there is nothing to be happy about or anything to celebrate for. is not that i am being emo or pessimistic on this day, is just that, well, if i myself can’t find the reason to be happy on this day how would i even force myself to be happy? This is the first birthday i did not cut any cake, this is the first birthday i cried the most, this is the first birthday i didt want to celebrate at all. But, I swear that next year would definitely be different. I will not be in this state anymore and i will definitely find my happiness upon my next birthday and i would celebrate it.

Next up would be chinese new year, and it will definitely be another boring one. Seriously, when then can life make a change? i think i know the answer myself, is when i seriously am determain to make the change. I swear that this year seriously is not going to be a good year.

I have so much to blog about, i have so much i want to say out to make myself feel better. But this is a blog afterall. ):

P.s – *blank mind*

Birthday.

Just reached home, went out to west coast park just now. The sky was nice, the stars were beautiful and the sea sounded pretty, just what i need for the night.

Walk around places that once bought me happy memories, lots of it. But then, time to move on, am 1 year older and need to start a new life a new mindset. Really had lots of memories and everywhere i walk just had the presence of you around me. I do not know the reason why i tear, is neither sad nor happy.

Many thanks to my lovely saxophone section, who gave me a phone call and sang a beautifully symphonic masterpiece of their version of happy birthday. Will definitely go back band one day and spend time with them afterall they are one that can never be forgotten.

Feeling damn sad right now, thinking of all the things that had once happened. It ended so bitterly and the thoughts of you still linger around me. But i guess is really time to let go of it. Was counting on false hope of some miracle to happen but then again, yes it is a false hope. Is very true what some of them had said. Well is not nice to blog about it though, some words are not meant to be spoken.

Guess i will be having a hard to sleeping tonight, afterall i slept till 7pm today. am totally exhausted.

Last but not least, many thanks to ”you know who you are”, the ‘present’ you send really put a smile on my face and i totally love it,  it will definitely be the best present i would get this year. Afterall, is the thoughts that count, and thanks for saying those stuffs to me. Honest speaking, i do feel happier when talking to you, somehow you know how it feels and you get to the point where you make one feel better. Guess this is what they mean by, in life, you can’t predict what would happen, cause i would not had predicted that someone like you would actually appear in my life. (:

Hope many nice things will come ahead. (:
And i did blog ok, so dont be disappointed.

P.s — In the end, a birthday, is still the same as any other days.

Liar.

Just woke up from sleep. Been going out on friday and saturday and definitely both days are of great fun to me.

Well, guess i wont be grabbing any sleep tonight. Instead i will be spending my night out at places where it reminds me of you. Maybe for the last time, i would just spend the night going through what we went through before.

I told myself to face it and all, but i guess it just a lie. I can say that i feel happy, i can say that i am letting it go and all those stuffs, but then again will i really be able to do it or am i just lying to myself so that i would feel better? But in any case, i would definitely not be clinging onto the past in near future and would definitely move on.

Well, guess this year birthday is nothing much of a special to me. Haha or should i say, non of the past 16 was special to me except for 1 memorable one? (:
Is alright to me though. haha.

What should i blog about then. Friday night was really unexpected, didt know that things would not turn out to be awkward as expected and had alot of fun though. While saturday was madness, seriously with joseph around the joke will always be there. Damn, vemon and i seriously had lots of fun disturbing joseph. *peace joseph. HAHA*

It really sucks when you have no money to get stuffs you want. ARGH! damn pissed off. Didt get any stuff yesterday when i was in town though. ):

Time to go and wash up before meeting my friend for dinner. (:

& i have to study for introcb tonight. (:

P.s — Happy birthday in advance to me myself and i. 祝我生日快乐.

Self-control.

Really can’t fall asleep, left with 3 hours of sleep left. been thinking about stuffs i should not think of.

Well, i really need alot of self-control, is like, in order for me not to think, i really got to stop having the mind set of viewing stuffs i aint suppose to. Seriously, the thought of my teacher simply do not help in making me feel better. -.-

After i had my run just now, i was thinking, why should i feel so upset and keep living in the past. Afterall, it is long gone. I have to change my way of life and i really should just be contempted with what i have around me, and that is the friends i have. They said alot to me, and put alot of sense into me. and is up to me to brave things out and face those that i had always avoided.

I really feel very useless though and really stupid. I should not had ruin any friendship i once had with her. If only i listen to her out in the very first place. But it is just so hard to be friends at that stage. I feel useless, why? cause i simply cant save anything.

I am not trying to make myself sound pity or so. If you think i am then i am sorry. We think differently.
Well, all i should do now is to let go, move on with life, and slowly get back to my old self. no point living in the past though, seriously i got to move on. This is life, someone comes, someone go.

Face it.

P.s — I need rest,  a big one.

Kinda speechless.

The title says it all.

have nothing much in mind what to blog about. Just went jogging. (: different experience to run at night more cooling though. HAHA. Was gossiping just now like big time.

No idea what to blog about seriously, had a power nap this afternoon, 5hours. How am i going to sleep like tonight. Is 2am in the morning now.

I MUST STOP SKIPPING LECTURE! GOSH I AM DAMN AFRAID THAT I AM GOING TO BE A POLY DROP OUT. I DONT WANT GO ARMY YET! HAHAHAHA.

Am thinking that last time during secondary life, i would like sleep at 3am yet wake up at 6am to go to school. Guess there is a certain motivation to motivate me to go to school despite being tired. But then again, it seems like poly life do not have that sense of motivation. It feels as though there are only a certain people worth going to school, only certain friend you would want to mix with and talk to. Is totally different from secondary school life. Guess it takes time.

I wanna go movie i wanna go shopping i wanna go lose weight i wanna i wanna i wanna…. so many things yet so little people to do with. WHERE ARE ALL MY FRIENDS!?!?!?!?!

Seriously, what is birthday all about? celebrating with your love one? hmmmm, i have not been celebrating my birthday at all as in seriously, cut cake take ang bao and that’s about it. For like 17 years of my life, i celebrated it once. A sweet and happy one though but then again, it would not happen again. Sad life. HAHAHA. Oh well, birthday is just another day to live with, maybe a little special though. No idea, will see how this year birthday is like, in about 3 more days.

Sleeping at about 3am i guess.

P.s — Life is taking a change.